Bore-nography

Kevin Smith is no stranger to controversy. His 1999 film “Dogma” raised the hackles of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights. In response, ads were pulled from newspapers and TV stations, and Smith was asked to trim about an hour from his film. The writer-actor-director also found himself the target of protestors who picketed his film and sent him copious amounts of hate mail. His latest effort, “Zack and Miri Make a Porno,” has been banned at Megaplex Theatres in Utah. A spokesperson from the chain said that it was “very close to an NC-17 with its graphic nudity and graphic sex.” (The MPAA had actually given it this rating, but later changed it to an R. Studio bosses appealed to have it lowered.) The “make a porno” part of the title has been conveniently dropped in TV ads, and, after complaints were made over the movie’s poster, it too was changed.

It was believed that audiences eschewed “blasphemous” and “offensive” religious films. “Dogma” disproved this hypothesis, by garnering about $8.7 million on opening weekend. (The film cost less than $10 million). Apparently, mainstream “pornos” are also considered an anathema unless, of course, Smith happens to make them. “Zack and Miri” came in at No. 2 at the box office – right under the G-rated, Disney flick “High School Musical 3: Senior Year” – taking in $10.7 million. (It cost about $25 million.) So what does this say about Smith? He has a hardcore, very loyal fan base. And this was very much in evidence on Friday, when I saw “Zack and Miri.” Not only were some people laughing hysterically, but one guy repeatedly shouted misogynistic statements at the screen. Classy, I know.

“Zack and Miri Make a Porno” is about life-long friends, Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks), who live together in a platonic arrangement. He works in a coffee shop, and she has a similarly low paying job. Both struggle to pay the bills. Despite their apparent “loser” status, they attend their 10-year high school reunion. He wants to get drunk; she hopes to get lucky with Bobby Long, a “dreamy” football player (Brandon Routh). Her dreams are dashed, when Miri meets Brandon (Justin Long), Bobby’s lover who just happens to be a gay porn actor. They leave the reunion to find that their financial situation has gone from bad to worse – their water and electricity are shut off. Taking a cue from Brandon, they decide that making and selling amateur porn is their only viable solution. The rest of the film shows them developing their script, casting their “talent,” and making the porno. If you’ve seen the trailer for “Zack and Miri,” you’ve already watched the funniest bits, so unless you are a hardcore Smith fan, I would recommend wasting your money on another film.

Despite the fact that Smith is 38 years old, married and a father, he writes as if he’s still a horny 14-year-old who has never-been-kissed and who wants nothing more than to shock and offend. Not only are his characters’ speeches filled with expletives a-go-go but they also include references to sex toys, masturbation, defecation, oral sex, breasts and homosexuality. There’s even a joke about bestiality. Is this shocking or offensive? In a post-“American Pie,” Judd Apatow world – I doubt it. And besides, none of this is particularly new for Smith anyway. Just pay attention to the mad musings of Jay (Jason Mewes) of Jay and Silent Bob sometime. Is the film funny? To many, yes. To me, no. A barrage of “offensive” material tends to have the opposite effect, leaving me bored and eager for the end.

I think what offended me most about “Zack and Miri” was its sappy romanticism. The ending came straight out of the rom-com playbook. Some people will undoubtedly see the film because of the word “porno” in its title. If you’ve lived a sheltered existence, I suppose it will seem graphic. But if you watch French, Italian, Japanese or Spanish “art” films, you will be surprised at how amateurish Smith really is. I’ve never mistaken Smith for an auteur, but I thought that after 14 years in the business, he might move beyond the “Star Wars” references, the gay bashing and sex obsession. Maybe that’s his next film. Yeah, right.

“Life on Mars,” Thursdays, 9 p.m., ABC

One would think any show able to lure established film stars like Harvey Keitel and Gretchen Mol, as well as acclaimed “Sopranos” star Michael Imperioli, must be working with some great material. That assumption would be affirmed if the show’s source material was a critically beloved British series with a rabid fan base.

But despite some of the best pre-season buzz of any new show, as well as one of the most pedigreed casts, ABC’s “Life on Mars” fails to live up to the hype, saddling its talented actors with stilted dialogue and transparent storylines. Of course, if you can’t get past the show’s undeniably kooky but promising premise, it won’t matter much anyway.

Transplanting the 2006 BBC series from Manchester to New York, Detective Sam Tyler, a modern cop fianc»d to his partner (guest star Lisa Bonet), is struck by a car and wakes up, inexplicably, in a 1973 Big Apple. Did he time travel? Is he dreaming? In a coma? Dead? Sam considers every possibility as he stumbles and struggles through his new life with his decidedly un-PC co-workers (Keitel as a bare-knuckle boss, Imperioli as an envious, mustachioed cop and Mol as an underappreciated policewoman stuck in a ridiculous uniform the whole show).

As Tyler, actor Jason O’Mara does his level best to elevate the writing with sincerity and intensity – anyone who’s seen O’Mara’s guest spots on “The Closer” or “Grey’s Anatomy” know how watchable and charismatic he can be. The rest of the cast is strong – Keitel doesn’t know how to be boring – but their characters aren’t given much room to grow. We quickly tire of the “weren’t the ‘70s different?” plot points and more genuine moments, like Tyler’s joy at entering a record store, are few and far between.

Overall, I think I’d rather watch the BBC version on DVD or, better yet, just listen to David Bowie’s classic title song. Grade C+

– Ryan Kathman