Ok, I'll bite

GRINCHY'S GONE WILD

Hey baby, long time no see!
Stopping by with some BAH HUMBUG wishes! for ya!

http://img154.imageshack.us/img154/1718/agrinchifiedchristmasyn4.gif

Come on by & Check out our Grinchy Photo Contest!

Taker' Sleazy Jess!
~Grinchy~
http://thegrinchblog.spaces.live.com

Lulu Says:

Just checking in to see how you are doing.

Sarah Says

Hi Jess. I'm just checking in on you and hope everything is going okay or as okay as it can go right now. Hope to hear from you sometime soon!

I also thought

the mid-life crisis implications were off the mark, especially
since this involves a younger couple - yes age is subjective but I'm
talking mainly under 40. I don't know if there is a mid-life age range
or what that would be, I'm not a professional in that area. I remember
having to have a smooth-ass car & nicer clothes in my 20's, was that "post-teen" or "pre-adult" life crisis? lol...seriously...
.
Life is filled with challenges, milestones & change.
That last part is the hardest. Wishing everyone the best in
this situation...

Nancy G.

I can't even get past the mid-life crisis comments and how that relates to anyone in their 30's. Early 30's at that...it's not mid-life imho, it's just life.

Tell me about midlife when I reach 50 -- that's way more than 2 months away here so I don't want to think about it just yet, K?

hugZ Jess ~ I'm here if you ever want to email/talk. ~N

Hope you can work it out.

I have been through a nasty divorce.

At the end of the day it is sort of about the two of you.

But more so it is about your children. They would rather be in a stable happy, one parent home, than a miserable two parent home. Kids know way more than we adults think. No matter what you do or say to each other, make sure that you are making the kids the top priority, they need to see that at the end of the day, no matter the address, mom and dad will be there for them.

I came to you via my friend Kat's blog.

the messenger

It seems to be that the messenger has far too much time on her hands, and no arena in real life for her to preach to. She obviously wants to think of herself as an expert in the psychology of relationships. If she wants to drone out advice like that then maybe should go get some formal education. Until then she should give up her soapbox. She should not give that kind of advice unless she knows all of what is going on. This is not a midlife crisis.
m

DonniTeamMOAP

Flame Wars

Damn...
This is getting brutal.
Sounds like "Ex Hubs" is against a divorce. Or at least pissed at the fact that the people who read your blogs are supportive of your feelings and not necessarily 'your divorce' that's what it is for me anyhow I don't want to weigh my opinion on divorce or make you think my opinion even matters just know that friends are made over simple conversations via the net these days and friends are supportive.

As for the Short novel wrote by the "messenger" I am gonna go out on a limb and guess you are the poster from the previous thread feel free to correct me if I am wrong.

www.moap.us - My Omaha Area Portal-Free Memberships

Damn... lots of people on

Damn... lots of people on here weighing in when they dont have all of the details. Who are you to judge when you dont know? Now I have never been married and I do not have kids but I have known Jess since we were 15 and I can say that she's a tough cookie. It's not like she's throwing in the towel at the first sign of trouble. Years and years of sacraficing will eventually take its toll. Everyone deserves to be happy in life, and I'm sorry, happy doesnt mean staying married for the sake of your kids to live a lie. My neices and nephew are smart- they'll figure it out, if they havent already. That's about as ignorant and getting married because you're pregnant. Obviously, splitting up isnt the most ideal situation, but welcome to the real world here people. This is the school of hard knox here, REAL LIFE. So for those of you who want to make Jess feel bad for going through with this divorce, be honest with yourself and try and put yourself in her shoes. I guaran-damn-te you would do the exact same thing. Everyone has a right to their opinion... dont get me wrong, but she definately doesnt deserve to get the 3rd degree here. Offer support assholes!

I love ya Jess and you know I'm here for you and my angels :)

-AuntieM

You don't need us to tell you anything......YOU KNOW

It's been awhile.....I just pop in out of the blue and I see a lot is going on with you. Except for your lack of judgement in regard to being a KU fan...lol...you are one of my favorite bloggers, so yeah it goes without saying I know this is hard for you. Hell I wouldn't even have the nuts to discuss it in a blog. I wish you the best.
T_B_N

One more thing to say...

I've read you since you opened your blog on MSN Spaces. I know you through your blog and I've met you in person. I know you to be one of the sweetest young women I've ever met and you are an awesome Momma.

I was going to leave it at that but this commenter you have... this "Messenger" person is annoying me.

What is WRONG with this person?

She states that she does not know you but then she feels it is her duty to hoist her advice and meaningless statistics upon you and then judge you at the same time. What kind of crap is that?

Her obsession with "mid-life crisis" is alarming. Perhaps she is mentally ill.

Anyway... I would hope that you take her words for exactly what they are... GARBAGE!

Take care sweets,
KZ

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors

The bottom line is this...You have to live with the choices you make in life....right, wrong or indifferent. I just find it so hard to believe that some people think "counseling" will make everything better. I hate to be so pessimistic, but for the most part people do not change, no matter how much counseling they receive...Jess I can remember a few stories you have told me regarding your life with your husband and I remember thinking to myself, "Why would she let herself be treated that way?" I have seen you trying to avoid confrontation and to make things work and now I realize, that is how I was living my life too....I know you did not make this decision on a whim. I know that you have your kids best interest at heart. Why would anyone choose to go through this terrible thing we call divorce? My brother-in-law told me that when he and his parents were living together, it was a living hell! All the screaming and arguing and craziness! He is 30 years old now and told me the BEST thing his parents ever did was get a divorce. Were they sad? Yes! Did they cry? YES! Sometimes he wanted his parents to get back together, not because they should, but because little kids want the comfort of having two parents. But he said they were so relieved at being in a peaceful home. No yelling, no screaming, no drama. I don't want my kids growing up worried about the fighting and arguing and verbal insults I had to endure in the hope, "Of keeping the family together." Divorce sucks, but what sucks more? Having kids in a horrible environment of two parents who do not get along? Or having the kids in an environment where there is some peace? Even though I have to still deal with the craziness of my STBX mind games and digs, my children's lives are better than were before. Sure we live in different homes, but they get to have ME. The real ME! Not the broken, scared, shell of a woman I was before. You will find your way through all this...and I believe your kids someday will respect you for this decision you have made. They may not understand it now. But they do grow up and they will understand.

You are in my prayers,
V.

Sarah Says:

Wow, there are some pretty intense comments on this one! All I have to say is you just need to do what you need to. It WILL all work out in the end.

Lulu Says:

Holy Shiz. Where exactly did the train derail?

Go Ahead, Shoot the Messenger

I wish I had known then what I know now. The reason why I'm posting on this blog is exactly BECAUSE i wasn't able to help my best friend, because I didn't know as much about the issue as I do now.

Like breast cancer and heart disease, early detection and intervention is the key. I'm no therapist, and the standard disclaimer applies ("This advice given here is only meant as general guidance; for your specific divorce crisis situation, please consult the appropriate professionals."

Unfortunately, the female midlife crisis is one that is often not recognized as such. Unlike the male midlife crisis, the female doesn't go buy the shiny red sports car, get a hair transplant, and move to California, leaving the kids behind.

I have said throughout my posts that I DON'T KNOW JESS. I don't know her specific situation. Her issues may be COMPLETELY unrelated to female mid-life crisis. But from what I've read, I suspect it may at least be playing a part.

As the baby boomers and Generation X age, this is going to be a HUGE issue ... but it's largely anecdotal at this point, so that's why it isn't getting the attention it needs.

But with the social and economic cost to the country of divorces, I think you'll see more people looking at WHY the divorce rate is increasing ... and why the suicide rate for middle-age women is on the increase as well.

quote:
WASHINGTON (Reuters) – U.S. suicide rates appear to be on the rise, driven mostly by middle-aged white women, researchers reported on Tuesday.

They found a disturbing increase in suicides between 1999 and 2005 and said the pattern had changed in an unmistakable way -- although the reasons behind the change are not clear.

The overall suicide rate rose 0.7 percent during this time, but the rate for white men aged 40 to 64 rose 2.7 percent and for middle-aged women 3.9 percent, the team at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore found.

"The biggest increase that we have seen between 1999 and 2005 was the increase in poisoning suicide in women -- that went up by 57 percent," said Susan Baker, a professor in injury prevention with a special expertise in suicide.

Writing in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, Baker, Guoqing Hu and colleagues said they analyzed publicly available death certificate data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

"The results underscore a change in the epidemiology of suicide, with middle-aged whites emerging as a new high-risk group," Baker said in a statement.

/quote

Look, I tried to help my best friend, but I didn't realize it was a mid-list crisis until it was too late (although, now that I know it, it was a "textbook" case -- with the exception that she didn't abandon her kids, which happens in about 40% of the cases, by my estimate.)

I'm hoping more attention gets placed on this issue to help those who are merely in mid-life TRANSITION to help them understand what they're feeling, before it gets to the CRISIS stage.

But it's obvious that my efforts are futile here.

Good luck, Jess.

exhubs

Funny.

You were blindsided and unaware of this but for 3 years Ive read how you put everyone and every other possible thing at the top of your priority list. Even then sometimes she would defend you for it, almost like she didn't want people to be angry at you even when she was.

You can see that you hurt her, for a very long time, and if you can't still youd better step back from that forest and take a damn good look at the trees.

She made the choice to talk about getting a divorce, and to not specify the reasons.

You get on here(which is odd in itself because for 3 or 4 years I don't think anyone has seen a comment left by you) And, you say things just to hurt her and some things I'm betting aren't true.

The best part is you said Omaha Mamma, you didn't even spell it how she does. Way to prove you've paid close attention.

everyone's an "expert" aren't they?

to the "counselor" who is watching her "best friend" go through something COMPLETELY different than this situation, yet warranted no red flags to talk to the bf about it...and tried to apply it to JESS' situation...what kind of twisted up sh!t is that?

Just my 2 cents...

For ExHUBS

You sound like a "left behind spouse."

http://surviveyourwifesmidlifecrisis.com/

The resource for men with wife's in mid-life crisis."

Also,
http://www.pathpartners.com/forum/

Okay, But It Looks Like Denial to Me...

I got some time tonight to go back and read some of your earlier posts. I violated the cardinal rule of the "Public Pulse," -- don't admit that you haven't read EVERYTHING related to the subject. But I read the two divorce-related posts, and am working my way back.

Yup, identifying with country music. Yup, complaints about the kids.
Even a reference to a recent death in your family. I'm just saying -- these are OFTEN triggers for mid-life.

You're in the middle of all of this, so I'm sure it all makes sense from your perspective. But from outside the tornado, I'm telling you that what you are feeling is COMPLETELY REAL ... but that the issues you are blaming on your marriage are probably issues that you'll STILL have after you're divorced.

I hope I'm wrong. And yes, probably a lot of your friends ARE in mid-life transition -- but only a small number of them will go into full-blown MID-LIFE CRISIS.

Yes -- there are people who get divorced who TRIED to make it work, and it really WASN'T a mid-life crisis. I'm just basing my information on what YOU'VE posted about how YOU are feeling ... and comparing that to other people's experiences. Feel free to elaborate if you think there's more that can help explain to me WHY yours is not a mid-life crisis.

I'm not judging you. You're the one that is posting your entire life story in a public forum, but it seems as if you only want validation for what you're doing. Of course it seems like the right option right now. It's probably not something you would have imagined for yourself even a few years ago. You probably thought you'd be married for life.

But you probably also never thought you'd get old and wrinkles would appear where you hoped they wouldn't ... and people you loved and cared for wouldn't die. Mid-life transition is sometimes about trying to recapture your youth... to recapture the fun that you've probably missed as you raised your kids and took care of your husband and everyone else.

But arguing with you about it on this forum is like wrestling with a pig: I get dirty, and the pig likes it. Your editor is probably thrilled because this is the most hits any CityWeekly blog has ever gotten.

But this is no publicity stunt -- this is your life. And I'm sure you realize that. I'm not making light of the difficulties in your marriage ... I'm just saying that you MIGHT feel differently about this at some time in the future. So take it slow. What's the rush? (You may feel that you've been dealing with these issues for "forever" already, but I can assure you, if you've been married as long as I think I remember you have been, the past year is a blip in time.) There have probably been plenty of good times too -- but probably not enough of them in recent times to make up for the crud that life deals out occasionally. Women in midlife sometimes only focus on what's BAD about their life because they're so focused on making a change that will make them feel better.

Again, I'm not saying this is you. I'm just saying, when I read your original post about the divorce, when you talk about the elephants and lions and tigers (oh my!), my initial concern that you may be in mid-life crisis seemed validated. In fact, a lot of stuff (to a first-time reader) are apparent in your writing. But you're so close to the situation (as are apparently many of your commenters, who appear to be either family, friends, or both -- or at least long-time readers), I think you can't necessarily see the forest for the trees.

Where do you see yourself a year from now? Is the future any clearer than the past? Probably not.

Yes, you are unhappy. Yes, there are problems in your marriage. Yes, maybe you SHOULD get a divorce ... but why not separate first (especially if no third party is involved) and see if your quality of life improves dramatically? What do you have to lose? (The midlife crisis says, "I'm losing time! I'm not getting any younger! I deserve to have some fun while I can still do it!")

Can you have your husband post on here to set me straight? Is he fine with all of this? Have you guys decided to "work together for the sake of the children" or is he wondering who his wife has become over the last 1-2-3 years?

As for my best friend, sadly, she didn't think she was in midlife crisis either. She used your same line when I suggested she might be overwhelmed and depressed. She said, "I looked it up on the Internet, and if I'm depressed, so is everyone I know."

Sounds a lot like your midlife crisis comment. Look, there's no lab test for detecting someone in mid-life crisis. You can't measure their serotonin levels or find "MLC inherent white cells." So I can't tell you if you're in crisis or not. But if you see yourself AT ALL in what I've wrote, instead of getting defensive about it, and responding with a "F-you" approach, give it some thought. Talk to a licensed therapist about how you're feeling. Talk to your doctor (be honest!). Read some more about mid-life crisis. What could it hurt?

Don't rush into a divorce. Try a separation first. You say there's no other man, is there someone you're confiding in -- someone who is "just a friend" -- maybe someone who has even gone through this before? It can be someone that you couldn't even IMAGINE dating, but just someone who is giving you their shoulder. If not, that's GOOD. As I said, you don't need to complicate things any more than they are. Focus on yourself. Focus on your kids.

Again, you are free to disregard what I'm saying entirely. It's possible it's not you at all. Maybe you ARE just going through a country music phase. Maybe that elephant on your chest IS because of your husband and your marriage. But you owe it to YOURSELF to make sure that you know what's REALLY going on with YOU, and that you are REALLY honest with yourself about the reasons why you are doing this. (REALLY honest ... like, if I just met me and heard my story, would I think this was just a little bit weird?"

Again, I hope that you and your husband ... and your kids ... are the exception, and not the rule. You're going to do what you're going to do. But please think of me five years from now.

And don't shoot the messenger.

jesskennison

Things you do not know

This blog kills me...I have been with "Omaha Mamma" half my life and in the last 2-3 months I find out it was all a joke... Every time I read these last few blogs most of you say it is not good for the kids if the parents are not happy... That is what makes no since to me my kids have been happy all there life until these last few months...Read her blogs from her previous site there is not a whole lot that shows an unhappy mother or wife..."Omaha Mamma" has been happy why else would we have six f----- kids????So when you decide to worry about my kids just remember "Omaha Mamma" is the only one that was unhappy. I truly hope the best for her but to give her pats on the back for wanting to be happy kills me... She obviously was happy enough to build a family to this size.
EX hubs

The nerd in me had to post this...

For those of you who care, according to research, the divorce rate isn’t even credible and I’ll try my college-educated best to explain why. Apparently, these stats are done based on marriages in one year per 1000 people versus the divorces in one year per the same amount of people. But scholars say that because those divorcing in a given year are not the same people who are marrying in that year (minus the negligible percent of marriages that last less than one year) the statistics don’t work.

Please stop throwing around false stats in an effort to make people freak out over the divorce crisis. I know plenty of people who are making it work and others who have tried, like Jess, and still find the best choice is to divorce.

Good luck to you Jess - I've been reading you for awhile and you're a breath of fresh air for Omaha.

jesskennison

Midlife

It's funny how you can say in one sentence that I need to take time, and in another admit you haven't read any of the other things I've written before this. If you had you'd know .....

Time, time, time. Taken a lot of it. But hey that IS a good idea.

If those things you listed all signs of a midlife crisis in women then just about everyone I know is in one now or was 5 minutes ago.
I always wondered if it is a midlife crisis does that mean you've only got half your life to live ? Ya know, soooo you're half way dead ?

I've stated before there is no affair, me or him. There's nothing to cut off.

You said my title was defensive and maybe it is, I was saying I'd bite...take the bait that was left in comments from after I said I wouldn't talk about it anymore.

You say you are "watching" your best friend do this to her husband and she didn't tell you until it was too late.
Maybe your not HER best friend and she didn't tell you because she knew you'd judge her and you would tell her to suck it up and she's the one who's screwed up in the head and she should learn to be happy. But that right there is a best friend.

It sucks mine all supportive & shit.

Yes, By All Means Be Happy

Your happiness should come first and foremost. You know what -- we should all just do what makes us happy; damn the consequences. We should all just be happy, happy people, all the time. Where's my Prozac?

Run away ... run far, far away from the responsibilities of real life. Don't like your job? Don't like the life you've discovered you've created for yourself? None of these makes you happy. So change your life. Color your hair. Lose some weight. Buy new clothes. Hey, I'm getting attention from other men! I don't need my husband -- plenty of other men will find me attractive. I'm going to enjoy my life! Don't I deserve to have some fun?

My sarcasm is probably unwarranted, I know, but I don't think people hear themselves sometimes. I read your blog post, and it raised some red flags.

You know what? Life is tough. Being the parent of five kids is tough. You're probably tired of the responsibilities, and you probably feel that your husband isn't doing enough to help you. The third time in one night you have to clean up throw-up in the bathroom, you probably feel a little bit of yourself drift away. You're always giving, giving, giving ... where's the time for me??? I'm not getting any younger, you know.

When did you give your husband the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech? Did you tell him there's no one else? That you're just not happy with HIM? Do you feel that you've just drifted apart? That you no longer have anything in common anymore, except the kids ... and that all you do is fight about the kids? That you don't like the person you are around him?

You may have complained about your husband's inadequacies to your family and friends before (even for a while now), so they won't be surprised that you're divorcing. They may even see it as a good thing. Why not? You've done a great job convincing yourself that you're not in love with him anymore (you really don't feel THAT WAY about him anymore), that you will NEVER love him that way again ... even that you may never have loved him at all (and certainly not for a long, long time). You're not sure what you feel about anything anymore. (Except that you love your kids, and you're a GREAT mom.)

Your friends may be telling you that you'll be better off without him. They also say that the kids will be "Fine." (Most of the people telling you this will be a product of a divorced family and will OF COURSE tell you that they turned out FINE. What, are they going to admit that they're screwed up too?" What do they have to compare it with?) My parents have been married for more than 40 years. They didn't always get along (there were some rough years), but they stuck it out, and so when things get tough in my marriage, I remember that life isn't all sunshine and roses, and marriage is WORK and requires the involvement of both partners to make it WORK.

In reading just this post, I wonder if you're not in mid-life crisis. I know you don't think that it is. Of course not -- you didn't go buy the shiny red car and get hairplugs. (That's the men's mid-life crisis).

The women's mid-life crisis is more subtle, but equally destructive.

Signs it may be a Mid-Life Crisis (MLC) and not a problem with the marriage:

• You're just "unhappy" -- you can't really point to a reason why, but you've got to change something. (Most often, women change their marriage). Or you KNOW what's wrong with your life ... and it's your husband!
• There are triggers -- the death of someone close to you; a "milestone" birthday (40, 50), a job change.
• You have had low self-esteem (either in the past, or now). You never felt good enough, and you're "not perfect" now! You don't have the "perfect" marriage that everyone thought you had. It was all just an act, and you're tired of pretending.
• You find yourself saying or thinking, "I don't know what I want." (Especially if pressed on an issue.)
• You may be depressed. (Not the "I can't bear to get out of bed and face the day depressed," but the vague, general "I just don't feel like myself anymore" depressed). It may even be mild post-partum depression. (Or a mild form of depression called dysthymic disorder -- Google it).

You might even be angry at your husband for holding you back from your potential, or not being supportive enough of you. You wake up and you wonder "Is this all there is? Is this what I thought I'd be doing at this point in my life?"

ESPECIALLY if you find yourself thinking about another man (or perhaps even having an "emotional affair" or physical affair) with someone else, it's likely the problem is you, although you'll blame it on the marriage. You and your husband might even have pursued marriage counseling, but it just "didn't work." It's possible it didn't work because all you could think of was, "I just can't stand to be married anymore." You know you'll be happier if you're not married.

If you find yourself thinking of "running away" (or "just getting in your car and driving,") I urge you to stop and think about whether you're really getting a divorce to solve a problem in your MARRIAGE or solve a problem with YOU.

I don't know you, Jess, but I've seen it before -- it happens all the time.

I have no doubt that you'll say that none of this applies to you. I hope it doesn't. But if it does, I'm sorry to say that getting a divorce (and getting into another relationship) isn't going to solve the problems in your life. Only you can fix what's broken inside of you.

You might think this is being written by a bitter ex-husband. Nope. I'm a 35-year-old woman, who is watching this unfold with two of my close friends. My brother pointed out your most recent blog post to me (I apologize -- I haven't read any of your earlier writing, so I only know what he told me of your situation)... but your "Okay, I'll bite" defensiveness suggests that you don't want anyone to judge you for your decision. (After all, they don't know how unhappy you've been!).

But I am watching my best friend do this to her husband ... and she didn't tell me how much she was hurting, until it was too late. Until she'd already had the affair. She was hurting, but she didn't ask for help. She's still hurting, but she has the Other Man to be her "gateway drug" to feeling better. She claims she's "GREAT" now, but I've known her too long and the bags under her eyes belie her words. She's lost ... and the only thing she knows is to keep going forward (With the affair. With the divorce. With the lies or the flip "I'm fine! Never better.")

Divorce is public. It's ugly. It's bitter. It's not "normal," even if it happens to half of all marriages. Even if you get a "collaborative" divorce. It has consequences. I hope you find your happiness. Let me know in 3-4 years (the average length of the female mid-life crisis.) You may feel some relief from your decision to divorce. You may feel better when the divorce is final. But you can't run away forever... and if you have custody of your kids, they will keep you from achieving your full potential too. You may be able to manage. You may tell yourself it was for the best. But you will never be the same.

I'm not telling you NOT to get divorced. I'm just suggesting you take a little time. If you're separated, pursue individual counseling (You'll need it one way or the other.) Don't hurry the divorce. Feel out what it's like to be on your own, at least part of the time. Take care of YOURSELF. Take up a new hobby. Read some books. Go to a couple of movies alone. Feel out whether you're still feeling unhappy.

Don't date. If there is another man involved (even if you're "just friends,") cut it off completely right now. This is no time to be complicating your life with another guy. See if maybe your feelings for your husband changed because you were starting to get attached to someone else. If he really loves you ... if there's really a future there ... "your friend" will wait a year or two until you're healed from the divorce. But if you can't cut off contact completely for at least 3 months, the problem wasn't your marriage. (Even if you think you wouldn't have looked outside your marriage unless there was something WRONG with your marriage, that's actually not the case. Even good marriages are vulnerable to affairs. There's just something intoxicating about somebody finding you interesting and attractive.)

If you -- or someone else reading this post -- finds even a kernel of truth in any of what I've written, I urge you to visit this site:
http://www.pathpartners.com.

Christine, the site owner, is the author of numerous books on women in transition and how to help husband's survive their wife's mid-life crisis. She's also the mom of five kids herself, and went through this ... For the apparently distressed individual or individuals whose postings prompted you to write this response, I urge you to also visit that Path Partners site (click on "FORUM" and look for the "Men With Wives in Midlife" section.

Good luck, Jess. I hope you find the happiness you're looking for.

I still love ya!

I know that you are doing whats best for everyone involved. You are putting your kids first. They dont need to hear fights, they deserve to be happy and to have their parents happy.

The idiot who says anything about it being a whim decision obviously doesnt have empathy and has never tried to walk a mile in someone else's shoes.

Girl, I know you are strong

Just take care of yourself. I know if you need help you will ask for it. If the kids need some help you will get it for them. Like I said in my email to you take care of yourself because you can't take care of your kids if you are not "well." Give yourself some love and go forward stronger than ever before.
Love ya,
Lori

Am there, doing that

Take it from someone who is going thru it now...YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING! Life is too short to be unhappy! By the Grace of GOD "X" filed on me because I would of never of done it. Me, B & D deserve to be happy and now we CAN!!! It is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through but I AM THRIVING, B & D are excelling! It is not easy and we have our ups and downs but I believe that God has a reason for everything and now I am seeing why things happen in life. It is to make me a better person, mom, friend, sister to everyone in my life. We are here for a purpose. Just love yourself and your kids and you will find your way... The kids may not understand it now, but when they grow up they will see that you made your choice out of love for them. You have all of us here to support you. God Bless and you are in my thoughts and prayers always...
V.

You are a terrific person

You are a terrific person and mom. Your kid's know that they are loved. I am also proud of you. I know what hard decisions you have had to make. You are not selfish. You deserve to be happy and should do something about it now while you are still young enough to enjoy it, and also not adding to the sadness any longer. Life is short. You are the last person that I would say was being selfish. You are the most selfless person that I know. Your kids always come first even if it hurts you in the process. I will always stand behind you in anything you do. I will always be there for you with a listening ear and a shoulder. Keep your head up...hold it up high...because you are doing the right thing. The kids know it. Whoever is giving you crap...I would like to know who they are because they need to be stopped. They need to get their facts straight.

Gma Mel

Thank You for being You

I have to tell you girl I am very proud of you. I am proud of who you are and what you stand for. If anyone wants to give you a bunch of crap about something they don't know diddly about - then send em to me - I will "advise" them what I myself have learned by living life and that you are you because of life's lessons. You are one of the most beautiful and caring people I know, although you can be a little uhm short tempered at times - that's okay - because that is all part of who you are. You have to make choices in life at times that are very hard and heart breaking, that is part of life. You keep doing what you're doing - being you, you bring a bit of sunshine into everyones life.

I love you!

Love your Momma

You go Girl!

Only YOU knows what is best for you and your kids - screw the others.
Kat

Barbie

Damn girl. You really do know how to put it all right in words! You made me teary because I am so proud of you! You are a great parent and I know with support and friendship you and your 6 wonderful kids will make it through this just fine! I am always there for all of you just like you have been there for me and K-Bell.

I think what some people don't realize is that life doesn't always turn out the way people plan it to...sometimes we get thrown a curve ball, but we all have to take what life gives us and make the best of it. The other thing is that some people who have never been through the ugly process of a divorce don't understand the strenght and resolve to takes to go through it and survive it without getting negativity from those around you. Support in your decision is what you need and that is why true friends and understanding people are there! Love ya!

Lulu Says:

I stand by what I said in my last comment.... You and the Mr will never be the best parentst that you can be, unless you both are happy.

Whoever is giving you shit is probably just clueless. I am the product of a split family, and I am a well-rounded (getting chubby), happy, successful woman. Divorce is not the end of the world, it is the beginning of a new chapter.

Damn Girl

You know how to put it just right! Give those girls... and boy .. and hug for me! KatieK

Big Hug

Although I've only known you a short time I know you to be one of the most caring persons around. And one of the best Moms around to boot!

"My kids also deserve to have a mom and dad that are happy."

Bingo! Your kids will grow up better people if they can live in a world where there parents are happy. It will in return encourage them to be happy. Divorce is a horrible thing and is alway toughest on the kids. I know first hand, my parents divorced when I was 10, but that is another story. Point is, I know this subject well.

As the children grow and understand more, try to teach them to learn from your mistakes so that they don't have to make them. But knowing you, you already have that in the works! ;)

Keep your head up and keep hugging those kids,
Fitch

ob1

I can only empathize with

I can only empathize with you Jess as I have not gone through what you are experiencing. However, I do have children and you keep their best interest and welfare in mind at all times...and that's exactly what you are doing.

If you need to vent, you know where to find me.

ob